Thursday, December 23, 2010


I've been wanting to post the joyous news in my life but that same joy has kept me way to busy.  On Saturday, December 18th I became a grandmother.  This is my first grandchild.  Kohl Alexander brightened out lives at 5:15 p.m.  24 inches long, and almost 8 pounds.  Long, lean, fighting machine.  There were some complications involving his lungs and he was transferred to a local children's hospital for a couple of days observation.  He's home now and showing no signs of distress.  Hallelujah.  My daughter-in-law, not so lucky.  She's in acute pain, from those complications, and since the baby was taken from her only moments after his birth, there's some difficulty with bonding.  I told her not to worry, babies know when love surrounds them.  He'll figure out who his momma is and will come around.  Actually, I believe, the bonding thing is because my D-I-L hasn't had a lot of experience with itty bitties.  Deep breathes.  And swaddling!  She's gonna learn how this "momma thing" works.  I have faith in her. 

When I became a mother, my mom picked up my son for the first time and, while fighting back tears, said something that I didn't understand.  Until now.  She looked at me and with true sincerity, said, " This is so much better than being a mother".  When I sat by Kohl's side in the NICU, I knew that something was brewing inside me.  Something that I couldn't put my finger on.  When he was moved to a private room and I finally got to hold him, I knew exactly what my mom was talking about.  I think I can best describe it this way:  I have studied earth religions, goddess worship, paganism you name it.  I was always intrigued with the concept of matriarchy.  When I held my grandboy, I felt all these pieces fall into place.  Like everything in the world was definitely passed down through the mother.  I could feel my grandmother, my mother and myself.  All of us welcoming this new being into the universe.  Not the world, the universe.  It was so much bigger than this little planet.  All the bells of truth rang all at once.  A cacophony of wonder.  Intense feelings that almost defy description.  Yet, when in the moment, make absolute sense.  Intuition.  Memory.  Devotion.  Faith.  All those theoretical concepts now have meaning.  And, they're in technicolor.  They have texture and smell.  You can hear the emotions.  They whisper, very loudly.  But, only you can hear them.

While I don't actually celebrate Christmas, I know that the fun of sharing joy, gift-giving, and happiness with a small child is in my future and it brings me intense anticipation.  Happy, happy.  Joy, joy.  If I could share this intensity with everyone I certainly would.  All people should have this opportunity.  To feel.

With that said:  I hope all those who celebrate Christmas find complete joy in the holiday.  For those who do not:  I hope you find complete joy also! 

Stay warm and safe,


Jenxo said...

oh Congratulations Tina, im so glad to hear hear that all is well with and your dd will be fine.
How exciting !!!

he sure is a cutie pie...

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your family...jenxo

Jeanie Callaghan said...

Tina, I am so happy for all of you. Reading this post made me want to break into tears of happiness, and also identifying with what you said. Please tell your DIL to take it easy and don't push too hard and everything will come. Happiness to all of you as the new year begins.

risa said...

How lovely! Although I'm not yet a grandmother, I think it will come in the next few years. I have caught myself wondering what it will be like...and I think you've captured it beautifully!

Congratulations! Glad the little guy is doing well!

Pattie said...

Congratulations ! I just became a Great Grandmother to Lola-Rae who is now 5mths old :)) lovely blog i,m just going to take a look around x

Leslie said...

Oh yes! Congratulations to you. It is so much better than being a mother. I never knew how happy it would make me to be a grandmother. It's awesome!